My so-called life.

This is Eric's account of this Lambda Beta (Loony Broad) coming up to us after the HK.
Here's how I recall it (setting the record straight).
She approached us as he mentions, camera in hand. Presumably for a cast photo, which happens all the time. A conversation began like he says where she says that she should be up there and she's so funny and the show wasn't dirty enough and blah, blah, blah.
The whole time she's fidgeting with her breasts. Not like pulling an errant bra strap, mind you. Full-on adjusting all parts of her breasts. Pulling the shirt and bra around them.
Smooth as ever, I go, "Is there something wrong with your breasts? You haven't stopped touching thems since you walked over".
She says, "If you want to know the truth, they're fake. They're not fitting in this bra right. Wanna feel?". I declined and I think I said, "But he will"; indicating Eric. I then turned to her friends. A guy and a way cuter girl and talked to them about the show. I then wandered away and she engaged Eric for another several minutes. I got a text from him later saying that she was coming over to his place (for the oscar party I was not invited to). My reply test was, "In case you missed it, she's crazy".
What kind of a dingbat lets handsome strangers feel her out, let alone tells them that she has fake boobs or adjusts them in the open. What kind of a dingbat gets fake boobs at no more than 24 years of age. Good Gracious.

2 great things

http://www.catsandbeer.com/music/the-top-10-rap-songs-white-people-love
and http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

You can't go home again

So, make a new home.
After a stunning 2 years of being homeless, The Hot Karl returns to the Comedysportz Mainstage this Saturday at Midnight!
So much pent up rage...
In that time, we've played at Fizz, IO, Donny's Skybox, and the Apollo. We've won a "best ensemble" award from the Miami Improv Festival AND launched a podcast. Episode TEN dropped Friday.
Now we come home to roost. I played a ComedySportz show on the stage Saturday. It was fantastic. More to come this weekend. Look out, World!

Briticisms

Great Britain was pretty, well, great.
I have 3 observations I'd like to share. I have mentioned that it was expensive as hell. It's roughly 2 dollars per pound, BUT everything costs the same NUMBER of currency. For example, a pint here costs $4. In London it costs 4 pounds ($8). My mastercard is aching...
Secondly, so many end-of-the world films have come out of the UK in recent months. 28 Days later springs to mind. I have a feeling it has to do with the fact that NO ONE seems to cover their mouths when they cough. It's almost comical. Like the "compu'er says no" lady on Little Britain. I have no idea how I stayed healthy when 2 of my American colleagues had to go to the doctor in London. If I had to guess, I'd say it has to do with taking 2 airborne a day, drinking at least 5 beers a night, and eating the recommended amount of daily calories per meal.
Finally, and most importantly, the British girls know how to work it. We were (obviously) in the business district. Every woman was wearing a skirt, patterned stockings, and heels. We made a game out of counting the UGGs since that's all you see in the windy city. We counted 4 pairs in 10 days. It was 50 degrees there, but still.
I held my own on understanding British slang. My favorite term: rumpy-pumpy (used interchangeably with hanky-panky or mucking about).

I am Published.

It's true. I am a contributor to National Lampoon True Facts: The Book. I sent in a picture of Downers Grove's Toon Funeral Home. The caption they wrote was, "The final resting place of Roger Rabbit". I guess that was a killer reference in 1991. Anyway, I found this great thing which is like True Facts for the internet age. There are some truly great pictures in it. Have a butchers!
Cheers, Zach

Oh, God, that's good.

Rags to Riches (Heading back to Rags)

So I got sent to Charlotte, NC for work Wednesday thru Friday last week. It went fine, but man, what a pain in the gnutskis travelling when the weather is hitting the fan. The woman who checked me in at United had what could only be described as Tourettes of the face. I was DYING to say something, since the tics seemed to be intentional, but I'll never fuck with an airline employee until they're useless to me.
So, I got home Friday at 10, then Saturday was Laundry, Shovelling and Packing to leave for London. I'm in London now. It's a cool city, but expensive as FUCK! My hotel is costing me (until I can expense it) $800 a night. No BJs included. Stunning. It is beautiful, but not that beautiful. Pics later. The Ritz on Maui was less.
We went to a shit-ass texmex place to watch the super bowl. Dinner and MEXICAN beer cost us $250.
I missed the second half of the game. I was exhausted. I was surprised that the place clapped and cheered when the national anthem was sung.
Otherwise, I haven't seen shit but the inside of the office.
I'm reading the Bret Hart book. I know none of you care, but it may be the best wrestling book ever.
Cheers, mate.