Let's Keep This Between Us

Frequency

2009-12-14T14:52:00.001-06:00

Did I say weekly? I guess I meant smi-annually....

28 Days or "Blame it on the H1N1 (Hine)"

2009-12-14T14:08:00.001-06:00

So Kiki found out through work that Downers Grove South High School would be one of the DuPage County Center for Disease Control’s clinic sites for H1N1 (Blame it on the HINI!) vaccinations. She signed up Sam for the vaccine and sent me with him while she & Miette went to church. The Appointment was at 10:10, and we were instructed to be there at 10.
No problem, right?
So, I noticed a lot of cars turning down Dunham at 63rd St. If you know the High School, you can picture this, but there were cars lined up 1000 feet down the street. At Norfolk St (the next block), we were directed into the lot by large neon orange VACCINATION signs. A parking lot attendant, one of 2 total, promptly directed us back out of the parking lot…
So, I fought for a spot like I was at DSW, and finally got one about as far away from the main entrance as possible. So, I carried Sam up to the door, where we were greeted by “NO VACCINATIONS GIVEN WITHOUT AN APPPOINTMENT” signs in ingles and Spanish. We were then handed a clipboard and sent about 300 yards up a north-south hallway that was roped down the middle only to turn back south and wait in line. From there, we ambled along the 300 yards or so down the main east-west hallway to the west towards the “Cafetorium” (yes, Cafetorium) if you’re familiar with the school.
This was the worst part of the wait. The form was simple, but the school was hot. There were people everywhere and all the people there to get shots were either old or kids. Or parents holding Kids. There was no where to put coats, and if you were carrying a child like I was, no good way to take your coat off. Along the main east-west hallway, they had a rope line bisecting the hallway into 2 lines. All the CDC staffers – and there were probably 200 of them – were in orange windbreakers or jumpsuits with CDC in reflective tape on the back. They kept shuttling bins of clipboards and the occasional wheelchair up and down the hallway. Every other CDC person stormed through shouting “Stay to the wall, please! Pay attention and move forward!” I swear I saw a bullhorn, though I didn’t see it used.
At this point the immigrant camp scenes from “Children of Men” were swimming through my head. I literally had to stop myself and remind myself that I was just there to get Sam a shot, not get sequestered into some walled-off section of London.
We finally came to the end of the hallway and were stopped at a row of doors. Firelines of CDC employees held us there and relayed the number of patients they could take at a time in the various lines. The commons we were directed to was divided by folded-up dining tables arranged into cattle chutes and walls. In front of a table of 4 nurses, we had to wait in makeshift waiting areas that felt very DMV. The nurse checked the form and sent us to another makeshift waiting area. There were like 4 groups of 40 chairs. There were 2 CDC employees seating people then releasing them to wait in another line. That line ended in the big tiered band practice area. We were ushered there by another fireline to the person that actually administered the shot.
All told, it took about 40 minutes. Most of it eaten up by the lines, but the parking lot was incredible. I truly felt like I was in an outbreak movie. It was apropos that the last person we interfaced with reminded us to get the H1N1 booster “28 Days Later”.

Dog Adoption

2009-06-10T13:48:00.001-05:00

So, we wanted to fill the hole left when Rerun died with a new dog. We wanted to adopt a dog from a shelter because we feel it's the right thing to do.
We started our search on petfinder.com. Petfinder is a great site that allows you to search for all types of pets on all types of criteria. It does have some shortcomings, primarily that it's way overutilized causing some severe slowness on the site, but also the fact that you are dependant upon organizations of volunteers to update the dogs they have for adoption. It could also be vastly improved if it mimicked eBay's 'my eBay' format and beyond letting you save searches allowed you to "watch" pets.
The single most glaring need for petfinder in my opinion is to have the listing organizations agree to a single application so that you could log into the site, fill out a general application and then member organization could pull it down when you inquired about a pet.
If I had a dollar for every minute I spent filling out what is essentially the same 3-page application, I'd be able to cover the adoption fees.
Okay, so you've found a pet you want to adopt. You inquire. You apply. You meet the dog. Then, the shelter meets you.
I guess the main differentiator between shelters and pet stores is that shelters care who takes home the dogs. A little too much.
We were interested in a beagle mix at the Cicero Animal Control facility. For the uninitiated, Cicero is a near-western suburb of Chicago, and not exactly affluent. We went and met the dog. We applied. We returned to meet with the dog again.
Sidebar: On the end of the second visit, my daughter got startled by a loose cat and slipped on the wet concrete floor. Her nose bled like crazy and Kiki had heard the splat and was freaking out that she may have cracked her skull. I got them all calmed down and could find no signs of pain on my daughter after she calmed down. The next day she was fine. Un-Sidebar.
The next day, I called to clarify next steps since we'd left in such a hurry. I was told by the guy who answered the phone that we were denied. When I asked why, he said he couldn't tell me because "[I] might just lie to the next place [I] try to get a dog from".
I was shocked.
Before I continue, I need to point out that unless you're going to Chicago Animal Care and Control and paying $69, adopting from a shelter or rescue is not that much cheaper. The average adoption fee for any dog in this area is $200. Some costs go MUCH higher, but few are below $150. By contrast, my parents paid $350 for their AKC registered purebred yellow lab. What you do get from a shelter is an animal that's likely fully vetted, fixed, and microchipped. Often the organizations have a good idea of the animal's personality as they take a lot of time getting to know them. If I had to liken anything it'd be thrift shopping: Sure, you could go to the Salvation Army or Goodwill and search for hours and maybe find a diamond in the rough, or you could go to a vintage clothing store where someone's already done the sifting for you and pay their price.
We continued the search and were turned away from several shelters because we have young kids. Most of the shelters had typed the animals for children older than a certain age. The disconnect here is that shelters are very concerned with who the dogs go to because they can afford to be (Can Cicero, though? Or was the beagle just put down? I'll never know.). But they have to plan for the lowest common denominator of idiot who will neglect an animal or put an untrained dog in a room with their hellion kid unsupervised. Still, I don't think we give off that vibe, but still we were turned away based on dogs not being typed for kids younger than a certain age.
I then decided to lead with the story of Rerun and how we had to constantly watch him with Miette because he was old and cranky and in pain all the time. Shit, he'd bitten me 3 times in the face, each requiring stitches, you may recall.
The dichotomy is this: I could walk into any puppy store, fed by puppy mills, buy 3 dogs, eat 2 of them, then tie the other one in the yard until it starved to death and no one would be any the wiser. Of course, I'd never do that, but there were many places who wouldn't give us the benefit of the doubt. For a place like the Cicero pound, this still baffles me. If the pet's in a foster home and not slated for euthanization, that's something else.
I understand adoption organizations mandating spaying or neutering for adoption, but many also said adopters MUST have fenced yards, pre-pay for obedience classes obedience classes, and other stuff like that. That I don't get. That you can assume having things like that would make a good dog owner.
We did connect with a lot of great organizations. Magnificent Mutts springs to mind. As does Habitat for Hounds who performed their own multi-state search for us when the pet we were looking at was adopted by a previously interested family.
We finally found a dog through Coalition to End Animal Suffering. His name is Buster Brown and he looks shockingly like Rerun. He's a 12-pound mix of Chihuahua and Jack Russell (in my opinion). He may be the sweetest dog in the world. I am eternally grateful to CEAS for helping us find him. The only downside is he's heartworm positive, so now we're dealing with that.
Pictures will have to be forthcoming. Buster runs every time you point a camera at him.

Billy Mays can eat a dick.

2009-04-29T14:45:00.001-05:00

So for my birthday I asked for a Billy Mays Big City Slider Maker. I received said Big City slider maker and used it (after washing it per the instructions) to, um, make sliders.
Weeks pass and my wife asks me to make dinner one night, so I break out the Slider Maker. Kiki bought 92% lean beef, so I was making griddled buns and bacon to go with. I had about 4 pans going at once. Right as I was about to take the last batch out, I noticed the following.

Metallic paint on ALL the sliders. Seems like the miracle nonstick coating(TM) coats the burgers as well. Now I have to call the "As Seen on TV" hotline and try to return this thing. I'll let you know how it goes.
In the meantime, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is... though I'm not sure this applies here...

Maybe YOU are

2009-04-16T10:08:00.001-05:00

Last night Kiki told a story at dinner about someone drawing a skinhead on a desk in her classroom. The story was about how incompetently the counselors at the high school she teaches at handled the issue (shocking, I know).
Sidebar, are there any school guidance counselors that are helpful? Mine, Mr. Anderson, should discourage me from applying to the list of colleges I brought in because he thought I'd never get into them. Then he'd spend the rest of our mandatory meeting time to tell me about his son going to Notre Dame on a tennis scholarship. Worthless bastard.
Anyway, Miette listened quietly to this story and the following exchange took place:
Miette: Mommy, was Richard at work today (a colleague of my wife's that Miette has met)?
Kiki: Yes, honey
Miette: Is he a skinnyhead?
It was another of those moments where you're dying to laugh but can't. You never know what they'll repeat.

A glimpse at my professional life.

2009-04-08T14:15:00.000-05:00

This post is the result of a particularly terrible Monday I had a few weeks back. I'm posting it in hopes that a google search of Cisco and Plantronics Headset yeilds this info for someone, as it wasn't available for me.
For the Cisco Call Manager (telephone system) we use Plantronics headsets. CS-55s for the phones on the desks and CS-50/60s or Voyager 510s for the soft phones (PC-Based phone). The Headset with the desk phone has a button on the side for call control. Click it to answer or hang up on a call. The 2 for the softphone do as well, but they don't work without the Plantronics PersonoCall software and some other tweaking.
I was told by both my vendor and plantronics support that I did not need the software to make the call control button work. After a day of toiling on it, I got to someone at plantronics who knew what the f they were talking about and they told me that you do indeed need to install the PersonoCall software and do it before installing the Cisco Softphone. Additionally, you have to Designate the headset as the Handset in the audio tab or audio tuning wizard on the Cisco IP communicator.
These are all outlined by Plantronics in a document here:
http://www.plantronics.com/media/media_resources/literature/user_guides/cisco_IP_communicator_setup.pdf

http://plantronics.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/plantronics.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=9482&p_created=1197413729&p_sid=62BLSupj&p_accessibility=0&p_redirect=&p_lva=&p_sp=cF9zcmNoPTEmcF9zb3J0X2J5PSZwX2dyaWRzb3J0PSZwX3Jvd19jbnQ9MzMsMzMmcF9wcm9kcz0wJnBfY2F0cz0mcF9wdj0mcF9jdj0mcF9zZWFyY2hfdHlwZT1hbnN3ZXJzLnNlYXJjaF9ubCZwX3BhZ2U9MSZwX3NlYXJjaF90ZXh0PXBlcnNvbm9jYWxs&p_li=&p_topview=1

Fun, right? Insert cliche "At least I have a Job" here.

What up, Dawg?

2009-04-08T13:57:00.002-05:00

So, we want to get a dog. Specifically, Miette wants to open a box on her birthday that contains a new dog. I have been using Petfinder.com (which rules) and pressing people I know that know things about dog adoption.
The double-edged sword here is that we're looking to adopt a stray, not buy a dog from a pet store. However, some shelters or foster homes charge $300 for an adoption. I guess I get it, because they're boarding the dogs and paying to have them fixed in some cases, but damn; at what point do you want to stop paying and let someone else take care of the dog?
The hard part of all of this is that any quick search on petfinder yields hundreds of cute dogs I can picture owning. The problem for me will be making a decision. If I do actually go and look at any, that's where I think it will end. I don't think I'll be able to walk away from any dogs I look at.
The other double-edged sword is how many great dogs are available at any time only means there are that many and probably tenfold more homeless dogs.
Adopt one, will ya?

F-

2009-04-08T13:56:00.000-05:00

I miss you, Blog. I miss when I had time to write for you. I miss the time before facebook when I didn't condense my thoughts into a single sentence that starts with "Zach Is..."
I miss my old mutual admiration society. Chidester stopped blogging a long time ago, and Lindblog just closed its doors. I would make time for them. I haven't been able to make it for myself or other blogs like the Foggy Monocle or A Douchebag's Guide.
I do try to make time for Yelp, which gets posted here in the right margin, but even my posts over there are edited for time. I'm still a prickish snob, I just don't have time to tell you about it.
It's mostly because I have too much going on at work and at home.
So here it go. A re-commitment to updating this once a week. Word is bond.

WTF?

2009-02-12T10:46:00.002-06:00

This is from an ebay vendor whose newsletter I'm on. I can't tell what message it's supposed to convey. It's called the hope battle flag... it's also listed as the Barack Hussein Obama flag. Weird.

Burgers forever!!

2009-02-11T13:29:00.002-06:00

So, I went on a recommendation to Rosebud Prime on dearborn for their burger yesterday. It might, MIGHT, be the best in the city. I had to update my list on yelp. Check it out here:
http://www.yelp.com/list/burgers-in-chicago-the-best-and-the-not-so-best-chicago

It's been said!

2009-02-11T13:26:00.000-06:00

So last night I got a robocall from my representative. Judy Biggert. I decided to opt in because I was on the other line with equifax. It was quite and interesting microcosm of the American political mien. The purpose was clearly to gauge how her constituents felt about the stimulus package. The outcome at the end of the call was 55 percent opposed, 45 percent for, though that was just a sampling of the people that answered a robocall and sat and listened to the conference call.
Throughout the 45 minute call, she took questions from the callers. Most were outraged at the state of the economy, and what was (not) being done to fix it. There were 2 calls from real people losing their homes, and others angered that the govt would give 700 billion to banks that fucked us and fucked themselves, but there was plenty of righty rhetoric about developing a "General Petraeus" battle plan to stem the democrat tide in the us. They were done answering calls before I knew it, but they transferred anybody who held the line into a voice mail box.
I said that while I didn't agree with the whole stimulus package, I was willing to let the new administration try anything at this point. I said that I knew she liked her job, as she mentioned at the close of the call, but then I asked what she'd done over the last 8 years to ease this crisis or help prevent its happening. Then I asked about a separate water issue we have in Lisle, but I don't expect her to do anything about it.
There's a prevailing feeling among republicans that we need to get more money in the hands of the taxpayers. I feel like that makes sense, but it sure as hell didn't work in May. I spent my stimulus check on bills. I think it's time we try something different, but it's the republicans' tax credits on home purchases and car purchases I think are the best ideas.
America has to end its binary blindness. The answer is not a republican strategy or democrat strategy. The answer is always somewhere in between.

You gots ta pay ta play!

2009-01-30T15:19:00.000-06:00

I got enraged listening to the radio this morning. Not much has enraged me about this Blagojevich thing... I mean I was not surprised by any of this. Especially being a Chicagoan and knowing what goes on from people that work for and do business with the city. The most enraging thin is that I do a really good Blagojevich impression, and now I'll have no place or reason to do it. Maybe he'll knock over a 7-11...
Anyway, they were talking about the new governor, Pat Quinn. They played a sound bite from some Illinois representative who said something like this:
"That Pat Quinn's gonna have to change his reputation as a reformer and do-gooder. He's got to realize that in in Illinois you have to grease the wheels to get things done."
Seriously. After all this "Pay for Play" shit and this subhuman said some crap like this? I'm listening to the radio trying to hear the quote again so I can hear who said it.
How dumb can you be? Dumb enough to know you're under investigation and talk openly about selling a senate seat? Maybe...

Somebody gets paid to do that.

2009-01-29T12:07:00.000-06:00

So, when you have kids, you get exposed to a lot of dreck. Some stuff is good. Sesame Street, of course, but even some of the new stuff like Backyardigans won't make you want to throw the TV out the window. Miette always wants this Strawberry Shortcake CD from the library. It's a bunch of songs written for the strawberry shortcake gang. (They still air her cartoons, but they're not cartoons anymore, they're computer-generated.)
Anyway, someone got paid to write, compose, and perform all the music on this saccharine, nonsensical CD. Worse yet, someone likely AUDITIONED to sing as strawberry shortcake on the CD. I picture a line of young women in Hollywood filing past the CD's producers and singing some Brooke Hogan tune for their audition. Then I picture some asshole with a pony tail saying, "We'll let you know."
Whenever there's some abysmally insipid thing on TV, I turn to my wife and imitate the character and say, "Guys! I got a part on this new TV show!".
Case in point, almost anything aired on the Disney channel, particularly Imagination Movers and Johnny and the Sprites. No offense to Tracy Ellert who plays Dancy Nancy on Bunnytown.
Fortunately, Miette's been real into old Tom & Jerry cartoons of late.
Unfortunately, she loves John & Kate plus 8. If you are unfamiliar, it's a show on TLC (I think) that follows a couple, and their twins and sextuplets. Miette's fascinated because the sextuplets are her age. However, it really couldn't be less interesting. Plus, that Kate's a real whiner, and they both stink of bornagain brainwash. John & Kate must get paid real well by the channel that brought you The Midget Family and Half Ton Dad. They're getting a massive new house. Maybe I should have 8 more kids or gain 800 pounds so people would pay me to watch "How I Do It".
The answer: Well.

If 2 don't rock her, order a...

2009-01-06T13:00:00.001-06:00

So, we went down to the in-laws after christmas 'til NYE. I really wish I had brough something to read, as beyond Walmart and the Rural King, there isn't much to do in Charleson, IL. However, it is a college town, so we had one good drinkin' night. We went to an Alcoholic's bar, the Uptowner, I think, where the special was $2 UV vodka drinks and $1 Miller lites. I'm here to tell you that if you're ever out of Robitussin, UV Cherry and Red Bull tastes EXACTLY the same. FUGH. So, after a couple dollar beers, we went to the hard-on bar where my wife and her sister and their friend were more likely to have the unwelcome encounter with HS classmates. The bar used to be called Stix as in pool cues, or more accurately, "Fuck Stix". It's now called the Panther Paw, which reminds me of the Peach Pit.
Anyway, their signature beer is called THE SHOCKER! We excitedly ordered a pitcher (for $6)...
and as soon as it touched our lips we felt like barfing. Good God, if you were trying to teach someone a lesson about the perils of beer drinking, take them out for a Shocker. What untold horrors would a Shocker Hangover hold?
Well, at least it's Aptly named...

Gaad Damn that Chicaago Winner!

2008-12-19T10:25:00.001-06:00

I left my house at 7 today. I got to work around 9:15. That’s more than an hour more than usual, but I’ve come to expect it. For those of you who aren’t commuters, here’s how it go:
Leave the house walking to the train station in Lisle. It’s a 1 mile walk, usually takes me 15 minutes or so, more in the snow because exactly one family the entire way shovels their sidewalk.
Take the Train from Lisle, express from downers. Usually about a 35 minute trip. Today a train hit a plow in Brookfield, so we were delayed 40 minutes. Luckily it was ON the train, so I went to sleep!
Midway through my nap, some asshole who’d been coughing so loud that I’m SURE he wasn’t covering his mouth gets on the phone and has America’s loudest phone conversation about family Christmas plans and how he can’t believe how people can’t adapt to a little slush.
Assface.
Then I usually walk to work from Union station. Again, about a mile walk. I got to Wacker Drive, the first street over the river and there was about 6 inches of what looked like Coke Slurpee in the streets. An aside about Wacker Drive: a few years back, the revamped Lower and upper Wacker, but only the east-west portion. The north-south is like the gutter of the whole city. It does not train properly, and it’s dimples with potholes that show through to lower Wacker. While most streets are cleaned and sidewalks shoveled, Wacker N-S is left a mess. It’s a damn shame.
So, instead of taking my chances in the slush I got on the el and that took me to State & Lake.

I must be dreaming

2008-12-18T14:32:00.000-06:00

I just witnessed the finest rendition of “White Christmas” by three black men, an acoustic guitar, and one of those egg maracas. It was on the red line station at lake. I tipped them.

Colicky

2008-12-12T11:14:00.001-06:00

So, Sam started out Colicky like his big sister. Bad bouts of screaming in the evenings. He had a 6-week doctor appointment and I told Kiki to ask the doc if there had been any advances in the field of colic…
He said we had tried pretty much everything and recommended that we try eliminating dairy from Kiki’s diet as a last resort. Like even eliminating cream from her coffee.
I am pleased to report that it worked! He no longer has those bouts, and by 2 months he was smiling and doing his gaspy baby laugh, which has made things even better.

In other news, We had to go to DC because my wife works on the committee that develops the writing portion of the GED. It was a very fun trip and I got to see one of my best friends while in DC. Miette loved exploring the city and staying in the hotel. It was a pretty swanky one with a humongous bathtub that filled in seconds due to the hydrant-like water pressure. We also got to the natural history museum where she was awed by the dinosaurs and bewildered by a group of like 100 people in santa suits.

How ‘bout that Illinois Governor? What I find most appalling is that he hasn’t bothered to say a damn thing to the people that elected him. 99% of politicians represent one thing. Their own interests. I have experienced it in little ol’ Lisle and seen it on a national scale. The 2-party system is broken, right along with Healthcare, Insurance, the court system, and most bank accounts.

Be of good cheer, right?

How is it with you? You never comment any more.

Gold coastin'

2008-12-08T15:48:00.000-06:00

I just saw Brian Dennehy and Clinton from "What not to wear" in the gold coast (not together). I managed a nod to Clinton and I'mm mad at myself for not trying to get him to critique me. I at least should have said, "Get more dudes on that show!" I don't seek it out, but my wife watches it all the time. Anyway, he looked like he'd spent too long at the tanning bed.
I didn't want to say anything to Dennehy. He looked like a big old crank as you might expect.

At the Movies

2008-11-10T18:10:00.002-06:00

Yesterday we took Miette to see Madagasgar 2. It was one of those computer cartoons I don't particularly care for, but man, did she love it. The entertainment value of her dancing to the songs was well worth the cost. Also, as with most computer cartoons, there are wide sweeping shots laden with detail. Man, she was overwhelmed! She kept trying to point out animals.
I wish star wars was still in the theater...
Anyway, when we got out, I said, "that was a pretty big screen, huh, Miette?" She said, "It was HUUUUUUGE!"
That's my 3-year old.

PROGRESS!

2008-11-06T10:26:00.000-06:00

Today on platform 2 of Union Station, I heard the following single side of a cell phone converstion at 9 in the morning:
"The fuck? I'ma have to choke you, bitch! Yeah, get your ass out of bed and get goin! How's yo' tummy? Yeah? He kickin? Thatss cause he know you bein' such a bitch to his fuckin' daddy."
PROGRESS!

USA! USA! USA!

2008-11-05T11:04:00.000-06:00

I went to Google today hoping that I had thought up the word hopemonger to supplant the rest of the -mongers from the previous 8 years.
No such luck. (I still think I missed out by not printing OBAMANIA: Runnin' Wild in Hulkamania font...)
I am proud to be an American today. I usually am, but a nearly 2-to-1 margin of electoral college votes makes me even prouder.
Not that I had a particular distaste for McCain. Nothing could be further from the truth. I think that the reason this election was so huge was that for the first time since [frater] Regan (yeah, I said it), we were not presented with a choice of the lesser of 2 evils. We were finally asked to choose between 2 worthy presidential candidates.
I watched 2 politicians speak last night and for the first time felt neither pity or anger for either of them. That's another first. McCain's speech was amazing. Representative of the man that was not pandering for the far Right's vote. Obama's was as always, electrifying. I hope both these men hold each other accountable for what the other has said. I hope this euphoria translates into the death of the apathy that has put us where we are now. What's more, I hope it ends the crippling binary blindness we suffer in this country. What do I mean by binary blindness? Well, to 99% of Americans, you are either a Socialist babykiller or a pagefucking warmonger. The answer is not either democrat or republican. The answer is American (as is the problem). I hope that Obama does indeed lead us to be the United States of America once again. I am neither democrat nor republican. I am American.
I am an American who teared up at both speeches last night. I am an American who teared up at the newspaper photos this morning. I teared up at the photos of parents taking their kids to the voting booth, and at my friend Dave Levin's facebook post that he made his daughters stay awake last night to remember what happened, though they are too young to understand why. ( I was EXCITED to tell Miette that "Baracko" won this morning.) I tear up now at the fact that people cared about what happened yesterday and participated. The complacency in this nation over the last several years has made me sick. Read a history book and read about people that burned effigies over policy and small injustices. Hopefully we are done shrugging in this nation.

Here's the baby post...

2008-10-20T13:54:00.000-05:00

4 weeks late. If I could have stopped my head from spinning for more that a few minutes during any point previous, I would have posted.
Anyway...
Samuel Emerson Thompson joined us on 9/22/08 at 12:57 AM. He weighed in at 6 lbs 11ozs (his daddy was 6lbs 9ozs, and his uncle Sam was 6lbs 10 ozs). Miette was 8lbs 2oz. That's why we were quite surprised that he took 7 hours to deliver with less than an hour of pushing. Labor for Miette was 36 hours with 3 hours of pushing.
We even left the hospital a day early. Miette's beside herself excited, though she's still a bit rough with him. We're constantly reminding her that he's not a toy.
So, I've got one of each. I had heard many people say that "the pressure's off" and that "I can stop now", which probably isn't the case, but it is nice to have a male to carry on the Thompson name. I do like modeling male behavior to Miette, but I'm also interested in how it will manifest itself in my son.
I had a nice 2 weeks off from work. He's still not sleeping with any regularity, and we're thinking by his recent behavior that he's developed Colic. Longtime fans of this blog know now that they're in for some terrifying posts, if I can find the time.

Bang for the Buck

2008-09-17T09:18:00.000-05:00

In my adult life, I've never been a slacker as an employee. I always try to do work I'd be proud of. Longtime fans of this blog remember a comment I posted from WWE chairman Vince McMahon. The jist was that he said that this is America, and if you are given a job to do, you shouldn't just do it, but make it your own. Very much like MLK's "if a man is to be a street sweeper" quote. I've really tried to take it to heart
Of late, though, my employer is really getting their money's worth out of me. I'm working my face off. Much of it has to do with the nature of the year we're having. Now, as I feel the pinch of not leaving a bunch of loose ends before the baby comes, I'm working as hard as ever.
Sorry of the lack of posts of late, gentle reader, but priorities have gotten in the way. I often think about my posts about 2007 being the year of waiting, and 2008 being about shit happening, and here it is. I've got shit happening up to my eyes.
So, I miss this. I miss having an idea and posting it here. I miss trying to write things into perspective. But I also miss hobbies, the internet, and tv (read:watching wrestling). I still read the onion, time out chicago, gq and esquire, but that's just because physiology requires that I defecate a couple times a day. Again, things could always be worse. In fact, they're great. Great if challenging.
More when I can. Maybe when the baby arrives. Could be any day.
Once more, dear friends, into the breach.

Under the Gun

2008-08-15T13:50:00.003-05:00

In the words of Jim Anchower, Sorry it's been so long since I rapped atcha.
Just got back from rolling out 450 phones in our nation's capital.
Squeaked out Hot Karl Podcast 13. Heather Simms was the guest. It was excellent. Have a listen.
Did a HELL of a ComedySportz show for my fellow YELP elites. Damn. Guessed "walk of shame" at the buzzer and was shouldered by my teammates.
Then knocked out a fun night as Wayne St. Wayne, the confounding assistant to Mentalist The Amazing Richard Awesome. What a ridiculously fun show. Catch it the next 2 Thursdays at Comedysportz at 11 PM.
Now feeling the pinch at work (will be until November). We'll be rolling out 1200 phones labor day weekend.
Then our baby's due the 20th.
I'm stretched to my limit.
Cheers.

RIP RWT

2008-07-14T14:56:00.002-05:00

Rerun Walter Thompson
We got rerun April 1, 2000. My sister-in-law, Meghan had rescued him off the LA freeway in a rainstorm. He had been hit and was trying to cross the freeway and get off. Meghan took him home. He laid in her bed for three days. On the third day, he stood up and wet her bed. Once he convalesced, he was so attached to her that he would bark his head off when she left. Death threats from her neighbors on her answering machine coincided with a visit from my wife, so Kiki brought him home to us. It was wrestlemania that day. I gave him a piece of chicken and then went in for a kiss. He bit me right on the mouth and I went to the emergency room and got the first set (of three total sets) of stitches. All caused by bites from Rerun; all on my face.
He was a banged-up lad, and suspicious. He had been abused, clearly, from the scars and broken, protruding ribs that clearly predated his encounter with a car.
He warmed up to all of us after a while. He was devilishly smart and very affectionate to Kiki and I.
In the last few years, the extreme wear on his tiny body from homelessness and his previous life manifested itself profoundly. He stopped attempting stairs and standing on his hind legs. He needed a few minutes go get moving in the morning and could be very cranky if you disturbed him once he found a spot to lay down. We knew the twilight had set in. He cried often when trying to get comfortable, despite a wonderful supplement called Dog Gone Pain and a half an aspirin a day. His vision and hearing were starting to fail, and if he fell down (which was often) on one side, he couldn't get up without help.
July 4th weekend was fantastic for us. 5 Days on the Michigan side of Lake Michigan right on the beach.
Rerun stayed with my parents. He hates loud noises and thunderstorms...and other dogs. So, on the 4th, after Lisle's fireworks were let off, Rerun had settled into bed between my parents. My dad's sleeping hand movement was met with a bite. Just enough for one puncture. Rerun was scared and trying to sleep. I'm sure he didn't know what was moving toward him, and he probably thought it was one of my parents' dogs.
My dad's hand swelled up big by Sunday, and after an hour wait at the Walgreens doc-in-a-box, he was instructed to go to the ER. He stayed in Good Samaritan hospital for 3 days thanks to the infection.
We found out upon our return late Sunday (Is 80/94 ever NOT under construction through Indiana?).
My dad was very good natured about it. He knew Rerun as well as we did. He knew, We all knew, though, that it could be Miette the next time she closed in on him, or the baby that will be joining us in September grabbing his tail.
All things considered rationally, we made the right choice euthanizing him. He was in constant pain. He'd lived a very nice life after being rescued. He could become dangerous in a house with children. However, I have (fortunately for me, really) not felt pain like I did this weekend. They gave us the option to drop him off or to be with him. I did not want his last sight to be the vet. He hated to go to the vet, so I wanted to give him that little comfort. We both did. It was over as soon as it started, with a simple injection. I watched the life leave his eyes. The nurse laid him down on his bad side, and he laid so peacefully as we sobbed over his tiny body. I couldn't get his eyes to stay closed. I wanted them to so badly.
I miss my little Rerun so much. What a terrible thing to have him missing from my life. What a big hole that little dog left.
For my friends who are not yet Parents, I don't envy the task you will one day have of explaining to a 3-year-old what "dead" means.
For my friends who know loss, many of whom know Profoundly greater loss than that of a pet, I do not write this looking for sympathy. I am writing to get it out of my head. To let those who read this know where my head has been for the last 10 days.
To Honor him and to let the world know that I love him.
But not for sympathy. I am privileged to have had Rerun in my life. Regardless of how it had to end.

Nothing good to report now.

2008-07-10T12:32:00.001-05:00

I'll fill you in later.

Thank you!

2008-06-26T12:46:00.003-05:00

Thanks to all that voted in the Reader's Best of the city Poll! You netted the Hot Karl the title of Best Improv Group in the City!
You also netted CSz the best place to cee improv that's not Second City or IO!
Your reward? Hot Karl Podcast 12 is available on hotkarlpodcast.com right NOW!

One for the highlight reel...

2008-06-20T11:02:00.000-05:00

I played comedysportz last night and correctly guessed "Federalists" as the final item in 5 Things as time ran out. The audience's faces fell off. That's why I love performing.

Monster Zero

2008-06-17T11:36:00.001-05:00

So, in my last post, I felt obligated to put a zero in for the o in c0ck ring.
I hate that I have to censor myself, but I do it in hopes that you, the reader, won't be blocked from reading it. It's Something of a catch-22 (a better book than expression, if you haven't read it).
At any rate, I have blogged in the past about the power of words and one's "right" to use words, for whatever purpose (though mine's most often comedy). Esquire has had 2 good articles in the past 2 months. One on the state of American bigotry, and this month's on bringing back Son of a Bitch to replace the more commonplace epithets of late of "Asshole" and "Douchebag".
The most poignant point made is "...words should sting. They should offend [when there is intent]. They should be able to make us want to cover our ears or cringe or cower. A world without [offensive words] is like a world without exclamation points." Thank you, Esquire's Chris Jones.

Spam. Hilarious Spam.

2008-06-17T11:07:00.002-05:00

So, I got a "comment" on my last blog post. I know none of you saw it, since precious few of you comment on my musings, if you're still reading this at all...
It reads:
Hi,

I am the webmaster of www.peloop.com

I find your blog very interesting to read. Your way of writing can magnet and lure a lot of visitors/readers. Would you be able to write about our product after visiting our site?

Or if you have a friend who is interested to try our product, we can send you one. From this, you can gain insights and share your friend's experience to us.

I would really be interested to know if you would be able to post your findings/review in your blog, it may be a positive or negative one, with links to our site.

Regards,
Sara Smith
greenAphrodite@gmail.com

Stupidly, I went to peloop.com. It's a c0ck ring. So, apparently my blog is an interesting read enough to make it apparent that I need a c0ck ring. I guess it's from my blog post about dick meds.

Even more stupidly, I'm blogging about this. So, in essence, they're getting what they want.

In Charlotte: a clarification

2008-06-05T12:37:00.001-05:00

I'm sure plenty of you grocked what I meant by "healthy", but suffice it to say that we took to calling Charlotte mini Vegas after watching the talent stream by on warm weekend evenings.
Damn.

Remember that wedding I went to?

2008-06-05T12:35:00.003-05:00

Here's some pictures and a video from the incredible (and incredibly foxy) photographer Allyson Magda.
You're looking for the Matt & Meghan post dated 5.29.
See what I mean about how it was magazine-worthy?

My brain is scratchy

2008-06-02T01:52:00.001-05:00

It's 2:52 AM Charlotte time. Waiting for the finishing touches to be put on the phone system. It's been a hell of a long weekend.
woooo?
Big Hot karl Show this weekend. A party and an alumni show featuring Heather Simms and Frank Caeti (so far). Get there.

In Charlotte

2008-06-01T14:10:00.000-05:00

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Stylin' and profilin' in Charlotte this weekend for the office move. The peoplewatching is excellent. Many of them are healthy.

Memorial Day

2008-05-27T14:13:00.002-05:00

I finally feel like I got a weekend. All it took was an extra day.
We celebrated my brother's 6-year lung transplant Anniversary Thursday by going to TGIFridays and watching Ric Flair's retirement match from Wrestlemania. How bout that modern medicine?
I took Miette to the Lisle Memorial Day parade yesterday. It takes a lot to dissapoint Miette, especially when she's not sure what she's looking at, but damn, what a sorry sight. It was about 9 entries long. There were three bagpipers and their associated drummers, but not a one played, and though 7 of the 9 enries were police and fire vehicles, not a one blew a horn let alone ran a siren. No one threw candy.
The mayor of Lisle gave her a flag. I am angry at myself for not having said anything to him. If you've read this blog, you know that my neighborhood's fire hydrants do not work. He knows about it and has done nothing to help fix the problem. I saw him walking toward us and I made up my mind when he asked how we were doing that I'd say, "Fine, just so long as a fire doesn't break out here". I chickened out. We both walked home silently. Her stunned by the parade's lameness, me stunned by my own.
Then I took her for a slurpee.

Indy 4

2008-05-23T10:26:00.000-05:00

To the Naysayers (Lindberg): I liked it.

Damn, that Live Hot Karl Podcast is FUNNY!

2008-05-23T10:22:00.001-05:00

Listeh now at hotkarlpodcast.com.

Pairs well with Erectile Dysfunction

2008-05-23T10:00:00.003-05:00

So, my sister-in-law had a Martha Stewart Living Spread-worthy wedding in Paso Robles, CA. Central Coastal CA's Wine country on an Olive Farm. It was positively lovely. Everything about it was. The people, the setting, the tasteful decor they concieved of and executed, me in my bow tie. Everything. The food was excellent. They sent everyone home with a bag of warm donuts and milk.
Highlights included my Daughter as a bridesmaid, my wife's Matron of Honor toast, Live performances by Jackson Browne and Cory Chizzel & the Wandering Sons, and my dad walking in on 2 people fucking in a portapotty. You can see from my fan-favorite photo how lovely it was.
The day we left paso, my pregnany wife and in-laws wanted to hit some wineries. We had my brother and daughter in tow.
Kiki was pregnant, so not about to taste a bunch of wine, so she made me do it. I hate wine tastings. I hate attempting to appreciate something I don't care for. What I hate most of all is feeling like I am in a Cialis commercial. Soft rock plays, silver haired dudes in polos swirl wine in glasses with weathered women on their arms. Golf swings are discussed. Tshirts and fleeces in earthy and burgundy tones are purchased.
Last time we went to Paso, we were at a winery called Summerwood (Zing!) when I threw a moss-hued fleece over my shoulders and mimed a golf swing. I looked up and my wife, and her sister and her sister's then-boyfriend and in my loudes non-yell, I asked, "Honey, did we remember my dick meds?"

Dupe Fiasco

2008-05-23T09:50:00.003-05:00

So, I really enjoyed Lupe Fiasco's first release, and Revenge of the Nerds II. Also, I tremendously enjoyed Gnarls Barkley's release from a couple summers ago. I didn't want to miss the bandwagon this time so I bough both new albums after I saw some very positive reviews.
Both Suck. Bad.
Lupe's second is a microcosm of what happened to Kanye West. It took him one album to become what it took Kanye 3 to: A simpering "victim" of success. It's as if once the billion-dollar spotlight shines on these guys, they figure it all out and spend more time preaching about how much they know about the state of the world than anything else. At least Kanye's third (Graduation) has an enjoyable track or 2 (far less than his previous 2 albums). Lupe's is a uniformly dull statement about how awesome it is to be a star and how dumb it is to be a gangster.
Gnarls Barkley's second sounds like B-sides to their first. Nothing beyond that. I could make one great album out of the 2. Worse? I paid for both. Makes me wonder why I do.
Ross turned me on to Hype Machine (hypem.com). It's an excellent vehicle for finding great rare stuff to download. But by the time I'd heard of "Smell yo' D!ck", the free downloads had all dried up. What a hilarious song, though.
Converse to most of this, I want to go on Record and say that MF Doom's "Kookies" is the finest song written about internet p0rn, and specifically the clandestine enjoyment of said material while your other is sleeping. The hook is the old Sesame Street credit theme with a vicious beat. Go find it on Hypem.

Where to Begin?

2008-05-23T09:42:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I've been neglecting you. Suffice it to say that I've been balls-deep at work. I've had 2 trips to SF for work, a noce 5-day interlude in paso robles, CA, and my Daughter's third birthday hence. I'll start random and get specific...

So, what do you wear when it's 90?

2008-04-07T13:25:00.002-05:00

We took Miette to the Brookfield Zoo yesterday, my wife and I and her aunts on my side. It was a blast. It was also about 60 degrees and sunny. Many people were in shorts and tees. More than a few were in sleeveless shirts and what we used to call coochie-cutters. This is less clothing than most people would wear when it's 90 out. What gives? I can hide those choices in people's own stupidity by and large, but as we were walking in at 10 in the morning, we saw a little girl of no more than 5 in a t-shirt and running shorts with her family. Seriously, where are people's heads?
It's always an event downtown, too, the first "nice" day. You'll see people (young women especially) in the stupidest outfits acting like it's 100 degrees out.

From the Mind (and Book) of Jeff Griggs...

2008-04-07T13:24:00.002-05:00

...come this concept scene of Guru: The Motion picture.

I love that Kat Gotsick!

Whogivesashitology

2008-04-01T08:50:00.001-05:00

Hey, how 'bout that college basketball, huh?
Meanwhile, wrestlemania breaks all records and Ric Flair retires. Where's that coverage?

What's all the hubbub, bub?

2008-03-26T22:33:00.003-05:00

So, because Heather told me to, I signed up for one a them social networking sites I keep hearing about. How's that for some shit? I thought I saw some old friends at the lisle50 reunion...
I'm not sure how to say this without sounding like a coot, but how 'bout a [social networking site] for grown ups that lets you opt out of poking, sending drinks, or dippy moving ads?
I have so many friends that I love that would never even think to join a social networking site. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to. I guess it's to keep up with all these people I don't get to see enough.
A bit of "observational humor" If you are a shirtless dude on your profile picture, you are a tool, and probably a murderer.

As a bonus, I found out that Heather has a blog!

In other news, I got to play a show tonight with Sir Joseph Bland. A man among men, and a damn funny one at that.

33

2008-03-20T15:46:00.002-05:00

I'm 33 today. It's my Jesus year.

I AM SO PROUD

2008-03-14T16:43:00.002-05:00

The daycare lady called Miette the Class Comedian today. I always fancied myself the class comedian after I heard a standup say that the class comedian was the guy talking the class clown into doing all the stupid shit. She is funny, though. She makes me laugh all the time.
Have a great weekend.

Word to your brother

2008-03-12T10:09:00.002-05:00

So, work is blocking fail blog, so I resorted to http://www.wordtoyour.com/. There are about a doezen good laughs in 24 pages of photos, but if you have time to read this...
I went to the ECW/SmackDown taping last night. It was a good (not great) show. I did get to see Ric Flair. In a cage. Bleeding.
There are few things in life like the Undertaker's entrance. That and Flair's entrance were my 2 legitimate out-of-my-seat moments.
We were seated stage right of the set, and MAN were the fireworks loud.
Wrestlemania is 2 weeks away. I have no idea if I'll get to see it. I'm not sure I want to Pay $50 to watch it by myself (Sam is back at college).

The drinking of the Green

2008-03-10T12:04:00.002-05:00

Nothing fosters a better Sunday nap than the perfect storm of losing an hour due to Daylight savings, Doing shows 'til 1 AM, sleeping for 4 hours, and then having some lunchtime lubrication at the South Side Irish parade. You can see me, my wife('s back) and several of my co-workers here, courtesy of Fox "news". We are used as revelry footage, though we were an enclosed party. Ridiculous.

My so-called life.

2008-02-27T13:16:00.000-06:00

This is Eric's account of this Lambda Beta (Loony Broad) coming up to us after the HK.
Here's how I recall it (setting the record straight).
She approached us as he mentions, camera in hand. Presumably for a cast photo, which happens all the time. A conversation began like he says where she says that she should be up there and she's so funny and the show wasn't dirty enough and blah, blah, blah.
The whole time she's fidgeting with her breasts. Not like pulling an errant bra strap, mind you. Full-on adjusting all parts of her breasts. Pulling the shirt and bra around them.
Smooth as ever, I go, "Is there something wrong with your breasts? You haven't stopped touching thems since you walked over".
She says, "If you want to know the truth, they're fake. They're not fitting in this bra right. Wanna feel?". I declined and I think I said, "But he will"; indicating Eric. I then turned to her friends. A guy and a way cuter girl and talked to them about the show. I then wandered away and she engaged Eric for another several minutes. I got a text from him later saying that she was coming over to his place (for the oscar party I was not invited to). My reply test was, "In case you missed it, she's crazy".
What kind of a dingbat lets handsome strangers feel her out, let alone tells them that she has fake boobs or adjusts them in the open. What kind of a dingbat gets fake boobs at no more than 24 years of age. Good Gracious.

2 great things

2008-02-21T13:56:00.001-06:00

http://www.catsandbeer.com/music/the-top-10-rap-songs-white-people-love
and http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com

You can't go home again

2008-02-19T13:11:00.000-06:00

So, make a new home.
After a stunning 2 years of being homeless, The Hot Karl returns to the Comedysportz Mainstage this Saturday at Midnight!
So much pent up rage...
In that time, we've played at Fizz, IO, Donny's Skybox, and the Apollo. We've won a "best ensemble" award from the Miami Improv Festival AND launched a podcast. Episode TEN dropped Friday.
Now we come home to roost. I played a ComedySportz show on the stage Saturday. It was fantastic. More to come this weekend. Look out, World!

Briticisms

2008-02-19T12:11:00.002-06:00

Great Britain was pretty, well, great.
I have 3 observations I'd like to share. I have mentioned that it was expensive as hell. It's roughly 2 dollars per pound, BUT everything costs the same NUMBER of currency. For example, a pint here costs $4. In London it costs 4 pounds ($8). My mastercard is aching...
Secondly, so many end-of-the world films have come out of the UK in recent months. 28 Days later springs to mind. I have a feeling it has to do with the fact that NO ONE seems to cover their mouths when they cough. It's almost comical. Like the "compu'er says no" lady on Little Britain. I have no idea how I stayed healthy when 2 of my American colleagues had to go to the doctor in London. If I had to guess, I'd say it has to do with taking 2 airborne a day, drinking at least 5 beers a night, and eating the recommended amount of daily calories per meal.
Finally, and most importantly, the British girls know how to work it. We were (obviously) in the business district. Every woman was wearing a skirt, patterned stockings, and heels. We made a game out of counting the UGGs since that's all you see in the windy city. We counted 4 pairs in 10 days. It was 50 degrees there, but still.
I held my own on understanding British slang. My favorite term: rumpy-pumpy (used interchangeably with hanky-panky or mucking about).

I am Published.

2008-02-08T04:24:00.000-06:00

It's true. I am a contributor to National Lampoon True Facts: The Book. I sent in a picture of Downers Grove's Toon Funeral Home. The caption they wrote was, "The final resting place of Roger Rabbit". I guess that was a killer reference in 1991. Anyway, I found this great thing which is like True Facts for the internet age. There are some truly great pictures in it. Have a butchers!
Cheers, Zach

Oh, God, that's good.

2008-02-05T12:26:00.000-06:00

Rags to Riches (Heading back to Rags)

2008-02-05T12:02:00.000-06:00

So I got sent to Charlotte, NC for work Wednesday thru Friday last week. It went fine, but man, what a pain in the gnutskis travelling when the weather is hitting the fan. The woman who checked me in at United had what could only be described as Tourettes of the face. I was DYING to say something, since the tics seemed to be intentional, but I'll never fuck with an airline employee until they're useless to me.
So, I got home Friday at 10, then Saturday was Laundry, Shovelling and Packing to leave for London. I'm in London now. It's a cool city, but expensive as FUCK! My hotel is costing me (until I can expense it) $800 a night. No BJs included. Stunning. It is beautiful, but not that beautiful. Pics later. The Ritz on Maui was less.
We went to a shit-ass texmex place to watch the super bowl. Dinner and MEXICAN beer cost us $250.
I missed the second half of the game. I was exhausted. I was surprised that the place clapped and cheered when the national anthem was sung.
Otherwise, I haven't seen shit but the inside of the office.
I'm reading the Bret Hart book. I know none of you care, but it may be the best wrestling book ever.
Cheers, mate.

...And I thought I had white man's problems.

2008-01-31T22:42:00.000-06:00

http://www.whitewhine.com/

Shit just got real

2008-01-23T15:17:00.000-06:00

Again, 2008 is active with a vengeance.
- Comedysportz passed all it's fucking inspections. The irony is not lost on me that it's cold enough out for hell to have frozen over.
- I have to go to Charlotte (They Sell Yuengling there!) next week and London the first couple weeks in February. I may miss all the ComedySportz opening festivities. f.
- I should be back for the opening of the Hot Karl. Hot Damn.
It's 2008, and this was in my inbox THIS MORNING!:

"-----Original Message-----
From: Melinda Cohea [mailto:Melinda_Cohea@Jabil.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 8:30 AM
From: Laquanda Williams Lawanda Myles; Leisa Bedell; Laquanda Williams; Eugenia Rankins; Vilencia Turner - Pierce; Porsche Freeman Kamisha Harris Flaviu Leordeanu; Marquita Martin; Sylvia Martinez; Cory Bedell; Felix Strickland; Linda Turks; Yerva Hullett; Walter Hall; Darnell Mitchell; Alicia Addison; Alicia Addison

State Police Warning (serious)

DON'T FLASH HEADLIGHTS AT ANY CAR WITH NO LIGHTS ON!!

Police officers working with the DARE program have issued this Warning: If you are driving after dark and see and on-coming car with no headlights on, DO NOT FLASH YOUR LIGHTS AT THEM! This is a common Bloods member 'initiation game' that goes like this: The new gang member under initiation drives along with no headlights, and
the first car to flash their headlights at him is now his 'target.'.

He is now required to turn around and chase that car, then shoot and kill every individual in the e vehicle in order to complete his initiation requirements. Police Depts across the nation are being warned.

Their intent is to have all the new bloods nationwide drive around on Friday and Saturday nights with their headlight s o ff. In order to be accepted into the gang, they have to shoot and kill all individuals in the first auto that does a courtesy flash to warn them that their lights are off.

Make sure you share this information with all the drivers in your family! Please forward this message to all your friends and family members to inform them about this initiation ritual.

SR Dispatcher Tracey Sharber
Kentucky State Police
Post 3 Bowling Green
P.O. Box 0068
Bowling Green , KY 42102
Phone: (270) 782-2010
Fax: (502) 564-3507 "

Didn't this hoax die in like 1993? Also, This was forwarded to me by a vendor. The Shame! Plus, the hilarity of the names is not lost on me.

Suck my Diction

2008-01-18T09:43:00.000-06:00

I got this today from urbandictionary.com:
Urban Word of the Day
www.urbandictionary.com

January 18, 2008: cuddlingus

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cuddlingus&defid=2786959

The act of cuddling, spooning, or snuggling. When two or more people lay down in an intertwined fashion.

Guy: "Aright, so now that i busted my nut, I'm gonna be out."

Lady: "You're not getting out of here without giving me some cuddlingus."

I sent them my word Fuggle. That's to snuggle while working the tip in. We'll see if they take it.

I'm reading the Bret Hart Biography. It's incredible.

Here we go, Hot Karl! The Hot Karl starts a run tonight for the next 5 Fridays at 8 PM at the Apollo theater. I'm beside myself!

Chase This

2008-01-17T10:00:00.000-06:00

I went to try and cash a check that Chase bank had issued this morning, as I have done several times in the recent past, and was informed that they now charge $5 to cash a check, even if the check is issued by chase. This is on top of them upping their ATM fees to $3. A trend I'm sure all the shit ass banks in the nation will soon follow.
F.

I am a total Dandy.

2008-01-16T14:54:00.001-06:00

I am a total Dandy. Ross Called me a dandy the other nite when I showed up to play Baby Wants Candy in a suit. I'm afraid he's right. I blame Rugby. If I won the lottery, that's all I'd wear. Plus, I'm starting to feel naked without a tie. It's weird. I never had that compulsion before. Last night, I lad literally 10 minutes before I had to meet someone for dinner, and I drove there just to spend 5 minutes in the store. I feel like I felt in Toys'R'Us when I was 7. I mean, If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I like to floss a little (look it up), but this is different. Where I used to like to go hunt at Nordstrom Rack for finds, this place is chock full of stuff I want to buy. Too Bad RL makes it so damn expensive.

Quote of the year.

2008-01-16T10:51:00.000-06:00

"That guy gives me douche chills" - Eric Lindberg.
Quote of the year 2007: "How do you come up with an excuse with a calliope playing in your head?" - Dr. Randy Smock.

Bang on!

2008-01-14T16:07:00.000-06:00

People at work have little to know idea that I do comedy in my spare time. I'm like a different person at work when there's, well, work to be done. However, there are some people I feel will "get it" so I make jokes when the opportunity arises. I think I will stop. Case in point:
Today I saw a woman who had recently been on crutches for a long time. She said something to the affect of not walking right yet, but being happy to be off the crutches because they were a pain in the ass.
I said, "I think you were using them wrong then."
Her reply: What?
Me: If the crutches were a pain in the ass, I think you were using them wrong.
Her: Oh. I must not have had enough caffeine today.

An exchange like that makes me feel like crap. It was a dad joke, but a joke nonetheless. Down with Humor in the workplace!

I received the Little Britain box set for Chrismas from me mum. The wife and I have been slowly devouring it since then. It's 75% brilliant.

I saw There Will Be Blood yesterday. Some conglomeration of critics called it the best movie of 2007. I'm not so sure. I liked it a lot, but I'm not sure it's the movie of the year.

Look out for the special double edition of the Hot Karl Podcast. Coming soon to a computer near you. Also, the Hot Karl netted a run of Friday nites at the Apollo Theater. I can't wait.

Okay, so It's not "Suck some dicks in 2006"

2008-01-02T15:50:00.000-06:00

But my motto for this year is "Take it from good to great in 2008". It's very much about the difference between half-ass and kick-ass I talked about a while back. And that line from that song "Do like Snoop says, 'step your game up'".
Rock, Rock On.

Auld Lang Somethingorother

2007-12-21T11:54:00.000-06:00

GQ Magazine's editor wrote of 2007:
-The year that barely was.
- A Year of halting inaction, of waiting for the war, or the mighty Bush Era, or both, to end.
With the exception of my wife and child and the Hot Karl Podcast, I feel exactly the same way.
While those were both my triumphs, one far more important than the other (see if you can guess which one!), the other two facets of my life were so stuffed with anticipation that it's hard to believe that the goal is tangible anymore.
At work, I experienced a ton of growth and training in many areas in advance of a move to Voice over IP. That project was supposed to drop at the end of this year and has met with tons of delays.
With regard to performance, Comedysportz was supposed to open in MARCH of 07. Now I expect we'd be lucky to open in March of '08. My luck will have me in another Winston office working on VOIP when it finally does. CSz's homelessness has set me off of my performance rhythm and regular schedule. It's been disorienting. I am ready to hit a rhythm again. I need the Hot Karl to come back full time.
All things considered, it's been a good year, albeit frustrating at times. My touchstone is and has always been my wife, and now Miette as well. I do all I can to block out the BS when I'm with them to make the contact truly memorable. My wife's had a difficult timw at work this year, and I'm often prodding her to leave it at the door when she comes home. It's a big part of her, and she's not like me, so I need to understand and accept that. It's part of what makes her her, and by the same token, what makes her great.
As I stated in HK podcast 9, Think about those that matter to you. That's what it's all about.
Remember how great you are. You bastards.

Green Team is Hilarious!

2007-12-19T09:31:00.000-06:00

Kiki is featured on this one from Noah Gregorpoulos!

Hot Karl Podcast 9 is a go!

I had my shoes shined today.

2007-12-13T12:25:00.000-06:00

First time I've ever had my shoes shined (office party tonite). I went to beehive shoe works on wells. It was great. You have to sit on this elevated row of leather seats. It's just me and a bunch of businessmen reading our papers or whatever.
I went in expecting to pay AT LEAST $10. It was $4. I tipped the guy $2. I will definitely go back. It's worth it to me to have them do it right than for me to take a half hour to get everything out and do it and risk staining everything I touch.
DAMN.

...And I spilled a diet coke on an LLBean catalog I was reading.

2007-12-12T16:31:00.000-06:00

I fell flat on my ass twice on the wednesday of the ice storm trying to get to work. During one of the falls, I lost my blackberry. After the second fall, I kind of sat there on the ice for a second, thinking, "I should just turn around and go home". Both falls were in Lisle between my house and the train station. One of the houses I fell in front of, I fell in front of last year. They have a hill and never shovel. I'm thinking of taking some lighter fluid there at night and lighting their sidewalk on fire. That oughtta show 'em.
My Blackberry was recovered by someone and returned to me.

You better not be a pouty pants...

2007-12-07T13:56:00.000-06:00

Miette has this thing she does where she sticks out her bottom lip and says, "NO!". When she does, I call her pouty pants. She thinks it's a game, now, so it kinda backfired, but when singing "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" She says, "You better not be a pouty pants, you better not cry".
This is from Metra's polar express Last Sunday. It'd make a decent xmas card if I didn't look like some kind of junkie. Thanks, Staying up all night.

Can't you go back?

2007-12-04T12:09:00.001-06:00

So I went down to ISU to the Teke house this weekend and had a blast. Turns out that as a past president, the guys all have to learn my name. Damn. That's an ego stroker. We went to a bar for $3 pitchers. $3. Then we stayed up 'til 5, and drove home in an ice storm. The normal 1.5 hour trip took 4.5 hours. It's funny; the guys my age were all wierded out that there were a few openly gay members. We had at least 3 guys while I was there that everybody knew was gay, and that wasn't weird to them. Times change.
Catching up with guys that were my best friends at the time was fantastic. It felt good to tell the pledges that I had seen 7 of my 12 pledge brothers from 1993 that very week. I wanted to go back because of how much I still reference the times I had there (See: Hot Karl Podcasts episodes 1-8).

Wow.

2007-11-29T11:01:00.000-06:00

Was my last post really 10 days ago?
Ever have a stressful day at work? I had dinner last night with three fraternity brothers (Not frat brothers. You wouldn't call your country a cunt). One is a cop, the other is a fireman (both in chicago). To paraphrase ghostbusters, they have seen shit that will turn you white. Me and the asset manager could but listen. I am driving down to the TKE house at ISU this weekend to catch up with some other guys. I haven't been down there in years. Almost since I graduated 10 years ago. Don't know why I'm nervous about it, but I am.

New Celebrity Crush

2007-11-19T12:33:00.000-06:00

So Eric Lindberg posted on Lindblog that he thinks that Kristen Vangness was hot. I wouldn't know her if she punched me in the stomach, but my new celebrity crush is someone I guarantee none of you know. It's Rachel from Signing Time. It's a kids sign language program on pbs. This is the kind of crap you get subjected to when your child wakes at 6 AM on weekends. Still, she's cute as hell.

2 Podcasts for your listening pleasure

2007-11-16T09:39:00.000-06:00

Within the past week, Epsiodes 7 and 8 have dropped at thehotkarlpodcast.com. Go and laugh, you fools!

good god what a tool

2007-11-14T15:37:00.001-06:00

I feel bad for people like this, whoever he is.

Some mildly drunk ramblings (or, I'm no Eric Lindberg)

2007-11-06T20:14:00.001-06:00

We tryin' again. We want another baby.
I can't believe it's november already. I can't believe I was stumped when I found out I was invited to a party where they gave a prize for the most offensive costume. I came up with "a ghost with a boner" then "A Crapist", but then we didn't end up going to the party.
I highly recommend the happy hour menu at McCormick and Schmick. A Half-pound Cheeseburger with fries for $2. Sure there's a 2-drink minimum, but this place is bringing the cocktail back, so spend your dinner dollar on liquor (where it counts) without going hungry. I stand by their sidecar, the Basil grape refresher, and the Gin Delicious. Both the latter drinks are named what they are.
Work is insane lately.
Comedy, my other work, is really frosting my ass of late.
Boy, that Details is a shit magazine. I just got a free subscription, and I want to cancel that. It usually takes me a few trips to the potty to get through a magazine. Details I breeze thru in a shitting. The writing is terrible. There aren't any feature articles longer than a page. Couple that with Ben Affleck taking his "last chance" on the cover, and I just want to throw it away.
I watched Saturday Night Live this weekend with Brian Williams and it was funny. Want more funny? Youtube Tracy Morgan blackass.

Dear Sesame Street

2007-10-29T16:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Sesame Street,
Please fire Susie Kabloozie. Thank you.
Sincerely, Z.M. Thompson

Because of my daughter, I've watched a heap of sesame street. It is, by and large, the same as it was, but they've added new characters that are totally unnecessary (Take Elmo for example). They also added a heap of female "monsters" since all the female muppets were ostensiby human when we watched. Now they've added Abby Kadabby, a flying, sparkly muppet with a magic wand. This, to me, seems like a blatant way to get the marketing hooks into the princesses craze brought to you by disney. Miette is a princess (pink pwincess) for halloween this year. The only princess dresses one can by nowadays have these fake lockets with the corresponding disney princess' picture on them. I guess to severely limit the imagination of just being "Princess Miette" for halloween... and to remind you how long it's been since you've had "Sleeping Beauty" in the VCR.

Personal victories and personal defeats

2007-10-23T11:32:00.000-05:00

I recently kicked a fairly significant addiction.
When I was little, I got migraines frequently. Pain so bad that it hurts to breathe through your nose. Pain so bad that it hurts to swallow your saliva. Pain so bad you puke.
The only thing I ever found that worked to fight it is Excedrin.
So, I started taking Excedrin at the first sign of a headache, and it seemed to work. The Migraine frequency decreased to a couple two three a year.
However, the headache precursors never stopped. I was taking at least 2 Excedrin a day since High school. 1993. In the early part of this year, I was taking 2-6 Excedrin a day.
Excedrin is half aspirin, half caffeine. It works, but the caffeine is why.
There have been several studies on pain relievers like this and specifically about Excedrin. There was a news story in the late 1990s about a guy from Chicago who collapsed at a Cubs game due to stomach problems caused by Excedrin (and drinking). They talked about cyclic headaches caused by being addicted to aspirin, and that basically you'd have to detox for at least three days to clear the addiction out of your system, thereby breaking the cycle.
This summer, I had been having bad stomach problems. I have on and off since 2001. It never seemed to be related to my use of aspirin, but this summer it was like gas on a fire whenever I took Excedrin. So, I decided the stomach pain was, for the time, worse than a migraine, and that I needed to stop taking Excedrin.
Honestly, it was easier than I thought. I went a week without taking any. I was sluggish as F for the first few days. I know several of you can hardly imagine a day without caffeine. But soon, the 3 days stretched into a week, and I felt good. I was surprised at how much energy I had all day without the peaks and valleys extreme caffeine consumption causes.
Once I had the Excedrin under control, I looked at my caffeine intake. I still have a very serious caffeine addiction. However, I feel better about it having removed the aspirin from the equation. At least I'm not adding a pain killer with my caffeine. I have since re-introduced Excedrin to my body, only when a headache outpaces Aleve (a very neutral pain killer). Yet on most days, my caffeine need is too great for diet coke.
I am not a coffee drinker, and don't want to be one of those dbags you see walking into work with a red bull (see below), so I turned to a caffeine pill called Ignite 360. The 360 pain-reliever family basically ripped off Excedrin's success, and realized how many people were using it for the caffeine intake. So, they make Ignite, which is just a caffeine pill (I discovered them because they sponsored Wrestlemania). I know, I know. I'm still an addict, but like I said, I've eliminated the aspirin from the equation, and don't take it daily. I still feel conflicted about it, but my justification is in that I'm not drinking 3 diet cokes or a red bull, or several cups of coffee in the morning.
So, that was all setup for this story. I went into CVS to get a bottle of Ignite. It was the morning rush. There were 3 cashiers, and the line of people formed to the right, taking turns on the next open cashier. There were at least 3 people in line when a guy (in business attire, buying a red bull) cut in front and went to the left cashier. The cashier looked at him, then looked to the line and said, "Next person in line..."
Guy: [loudly] Oh that's a line? There are 2 cashiers. Why is there only one line? Must be a regional thing. I've never seen anything like that. Anywhere.
He talked for the whole time I checked out, and the person behind me checked out at the other register. He was taken by the cashier who had just checked me out. Everyone except him stayed mum and displayed that "I can't believe this asshole" smile. However, as I walked to work, I just got madder and madder. At myself, mostly. I am fast and witty, but am all-to-frequently dumbstruck in situations like that. I resolved to stay on point for crap like that, doing some mental calisthenics so that the next time it happens, I can say:
"Regional? And what region are you from that grown men can burst out like children when they're caught cutting in line?"
My wife thinks I'll get punched. Maybe I will, but I wouldn't be down on myself for not doing anything. Plus, it can't hurt any worse than a migraine.

I Know It's been a Long time

2007-10-12T17:48:00.000-05:00

More soon, but I only have time for a quick story.
Kiki left a leopard-print bra laying out.
Miette saw it and said, "Whose these kitty boobies?"

Better get that Hannah a muzzle.

2007-09-19T15:00:00.001-05:00

Another kid bit Miette at Daycare Friday. Left a bruise and an abrasion on the skin and all that. I got an apologetic call from the dad, a guy who started teaching at Lisle during my last couple years in High School. Yesterday, she got bit again. Same kid. Same spot, but opposite shoulder blade.
The kid who bit her is a girl several months younger than her. It's frustrating. I know it's silly and it's what little kids do to eachother, but it's hard not to want to protect her at all costs.
She's also being terribly 2. She's not bad by any means, so for her, terrible 2s has meant selective hearing. She most often gets time outs for not listening. That's also frustrating because I know she's smart enough to understand me, and smart enough to disobey me...

Any ideas on what I can do?

2007-09-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, September 13th, I sat in the gymnasium of Schiesher school in Lisle, and was told by Thomas Freeman, the fire chief that serves my area that he cannot help me or any of my fellow 400 residents in the event of a fire in our neighborhood. The reason: zero water pressure in the hydrants.
I moved to Lisle just over a year ago, and have been slowly learning how fraught with problems the water service to my area is. I could cite you all the facts, but not as eloquently as the Daily Herald or Lisle Sun could if you care to go to their websites and search on Illinois American Water. Just to make concrete the problem we face, I will share with you the facts that terrify me the most, and have moved Lisle's leadership to do nothing:
• There is not sufficient pressure in the fire hydrants for the fire department to put out a fire. There was recently a structure that burned to the ground down the street from me because firefighters opened the nearest hydrant and found it did not work.
• There are 2 schools in this neighborhood (Schiesher elementary and Lisle Junior High School) served by this system that would be destroyed in the event of a fire. Chief Freeman stated that even if he were able to combine the last reported pressure in the 8 hydrants around one of the schools, that would not meet the minimum 3000 pounds of pressure he needs to fight a fire.
• The Chief Freeman shared that he received boil orders for my neighborhood on an average of every three days. I have received exactly 2 boil order notices in the year that I have lived in Lisle. One I received minutes after getting off the phone with Illinois American Water and being told that I was NOT under a boil order.
• The most appalling of all the things I have learned is that when the residents here have complained to the village, they were told to get an attorney and sue Illinois American Water on their own. This is offensive to me as an American, let alone someone who pays approximately three times what residents of Lisle on the Village of Lisle's waters system do.

This is all in the face of some very public reporting of the above facts, including a piece that aired on Channel 2 (WBBM) news in Chicago.
At the core of this matter is a contract between the Village of Lisle and Illinois American water. The contract states that Illinois American Water must maintain minimum standards of water quality and pressure, and that if they do not, the contract is subject to termination if the standards are not met.

Apparently you have to be high to enjoy the HK...

2007-09-13T15:25:00.001-05:00

http://www.timeout.com/chicago/article/133/22218/joint-ventures

Is our blurb in TimeOut Chicago. I hate the blurb, but love that My line (courtesy, Mike Mannion) cumdumpster made it in.

new word

2007-09-06T10:07:00.000-05:00

I insist that you halt your douchebaggery at once!

Hmmmm....

2007-08-29T15:04:00.001-05:00

Christ these people make me happy

2007-08-29T15:02:00.001-05:00

Photo By Meg Gustafson
Chemistry Divine.

My kingdom for a Camera Phone (for the boat ride)

2007-08-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

So, I took the Water Taxi this morning from Union station to Michigan ave. It's free this week, so I ran to catch it. Anyone who's taken a trip down the Chicago river can tell you it's a stunning ride. It's a hell of a way to start the day to be in the shadow of such grandeur.
The only downside is that the Water taxi takes you to the far side of Michigan Avenue, under the building the NBC studio is in, so on top of the 15 minute ride, I had a 10 minute walk. The upside to that is that Michigan ave is the most consistent catwalk for beautiful women I have ever seen. Every time I walk down Michigan, someone turns my head.
If I were to take the water taxi again, it'd have to be a morning when I'm not in a hurry to get in. It's a great ride down the river for $3.

Poignant for so many reasons.

2007-08-23T16:11:00.000-05:00

...from Chicagoist.

Hip Hope

2007-08-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

The Coup's My Favorite Mutiny is a damn fine song.
The soul-splashed hip hop that is really gaining ground tehse days is outstanding. Also, From Doom to The Coup to Kanye and beyond, Is there a better featured MC than Talib Kweli?

Now you can see all the crap I have for sale on Ebay!

2007-08-22T11:29:00.001-05:00

They added a feature. It's at the bottom of the page.

Beastly Noise

2007-08-17T10:33:00.000-05:00

The beastie boys have a new album out called mixup. It's all the quasi-70's funk with electric piano and guitars. Ho-Hum. What happened to those dudes?
When Sabotage came out, I believed in the Amato theory that they deserve every dollar they make. However, I listened to the previews of every song, and I'm CERTAIN that's the last time I will intentionally hear any of them.

Diet ain't nuthin but DIE with a T, baby.

2007-08-17T10:22:00.000-05:00

Three women were just in the break room while I was getting ice.
One Fat, one curvy, one tall and lean. Tall and Lean was taking 2 blueberry pop tarts out of the toaster.
Fat: I thought you were laying off the carbs...
T&L: I'm not going to eat the ends. Just the Fruit.
Fat: ...And a soda?
T&L: I'm down to one a day.
Curvy: You're like a 4-year-old.

I returned to my cube with my peanut butter twix and diet coke.

Barf Fly

2007-08-16T12:02:00.000-05:00

Someone got paid to do this.

Look for my upcoming panel featuring Larry the Cable Pie!

Good Vs. Bad

2007-08-15T15:33:00.000-05:00

Good: The Hot Karl Podcast Episode 6 is up. Go listen to it!
Bad (like, yikes, that's some profound hurt bad):
Here

BUCK UP LIL' CAMPER!

Way to cock it up, Reese's!

2007-08-09T10:43:00.000-05:00

I saw these in Walgreens on the counter as an impulse buy.

I thought it was excellent merketing to compare to Elvis anyone that would eat 2 Resse's big cups. However, it wasn't until I'd bitten into it that I realized that they added banana "creme" to a prefectly good Reese's Big Cup. Bastards.

I could barely choke them both down.

Too Stupid to Live

2007-08-09T10:17:00.001-05:00

This morning coming in on the Eisenhower, I noticed a douche in an suv driving erratically. I could see his silhouette through the rear window touching his face like he was applying shaving cream.
He was all over the road, so I moved to pass. As I did, I confirmed my suspicion. This 20-something blond professional-looking shithead driving while shaving. He was in an undershirt, and by this time, actively wet-shaving in the car.
My kingdom for a cameraphone.
As I made it past him, I looked in the rear view mirror, and saw that he put a solo cup of water on the dash, and dipped his razor in it. He apparently forgot his towel, so he was wiping face and razor on white sheets of paper.
My god, the stupidity. Now, I have done some less-than-attentive things while driving, but NEVER during rush hour, and never something as involved as shaving. I mean, I don't want to wish harm to anybody, but I feel like the only way someone that thick would learn a lesson is if he had a wreck. Problem with that is, he'll most likely hurt someone else as well, because he was SHAVING WHILE DRIVING.
What irritates me most is that there's never a cop around when shit like this happens. Never. I wish to god that they'd enforce JUST ONCE the driving too slow in the left lane that passed a couple years ago. Conversely, the next time I change lanes without signaling, I'll get a traffic ticket.

ComedySportz

2007-08-08T14:56:00.000-05:00

I've been neck-deep in the business end of CSz of late. It's great to see this video, courtesy of Bron in CSz UK (by way of DMont). It reminds me of what all the work is for.
Replay - Bron In Chicago 2005

Add to My Profile | More Videos

This Picture Makes me Happy.

2007-08-07T12:50:00.000-05:00

Intensity

2007-08-06T13:29:00.000-05:00

I just watched (Friday) the episode of Deadwood where Captain Turner and Dan Dority fight. Holy shit. It's magnificent. And Terrifying.

Hey, Jealousy.

2007-08-06T10:25:00.001-05:00

I may have already titled a post after that Shit-ass song, but I feel the need to re-use it. The village is redoing out drainage ditches in the neighborhood. I drove by all these white farmers-tanned lads working in the ditch and got insanely jealous. It made me think back on when I was employed by Lisle's park district. I can honestly say that if I could get paid enough to maintain the life I've become accustomed to, I'd work for the parks full time.
Being outside all day (7-3) and doing manual labor was so freeing. The camaraderie was great, even though the place was rife with shitheads. We were summer seasonal employees: "Summer Help; Some are Not". We mowed lawns and trimmed other vegetation, primarily, but often we were engaged in the manliest of pursuits. I learned how to properly use a chainsaw (in orange safety chaps), operate a Backhoe and front-loader, and most importantly, use a wood chipper. I say most importantly because it's an insane feeling of destructive power to take tree limbs and reduce them to wood chips. Of course, it's not that rotating wheel of blades run by combustion engine that do the chipping. It's YOU. Your power and will to reduce said branches to landscaping mulch is what does it.
That wood chipper would constantly be breaking as a consequence. I'll never forget my first year working there when Rich Mackins and Sammy Franzen attempted to chip a railroad tie and killed the chipper. It was hot, dangerous work, and I loved every day. It's not just dangerous because you could be pulled into the maw of the chipper by its grinding wheels, or hit by a spray of wood chunks, but it occasionally kicked back on you, sending sharp sticks your way.
Unfortunately, that was what was rumored to have happened to Mike Miglorini (sp?), our construction manager. Mike had brown eyes, but his one eye looked red because of it's brown iris' contrast to his injured eye whose iris had opened completely, making it look black. Mike was a hilarious guy who cursed a blue streak, and even though he had no depth perception, reveled in driving equipment into the garage faster than any sane, normal-sighted person would.
It was a simpler time for me, and taught me a lot. I miss it.

Episode V

2007-08-02T11:46:00.000-05:00

of the hot karl podacast is up! Giv'er a listen, will ya?
hotkarlpodcast.com

Courtesy of the Daily Vidette....

2007-07-30T23:17:00.001-05:00

ISU's Newspaper. This actually ran in the paper. You can see why I kept it.

We'll be in the new space within 2 months!

2007-07-25T15:25:00.001-05:00