The Fecal Bandit
Ah, College. I was asked about an inside joke I posted on my Fraternity's Yahoo group. Here's a little tale for you. I hope Al Knutson isn't reading this.
-----Original Message-----
From: Thompson, Zachary
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2005 1:50 PM
To: 'djjones@ilstu.edu'
Subject: RE: [ISUTKE] Tekefest
DJ,
Sorry for the delay... At 302 E. Mulberry, John Roberts, Brian Lamm, Pyro Chanhnourack and I were moving into the "quad", the only 4-person apartment in the building. The quad had been unbelievably trashed for years, but we had finally talked the landlord into putting new carpet in, so we decided to paint it and do everything we could to make it nice. When it got to the bathroom, not only had the slobs that had lived there trashed it, but also we had to use it as the ladies' room for parties. The toilet was such a disaster that we actually unbolted it from the floor and hosed it off in the parking lot. We had come down early to do all this work, and had worked all day. Before I knew it, it was 3 AM, and I realized I had to take an unbelievable dump. Compounding the urgency was the fact that I hadn't all day (I usually average 4 times), and had eaten McDonald's for breakfast, and taco bell for the other two meals... And there sat the toilet in the parking lot.
Anyway, I started knocking on, and then trying doors. Finally, the last door was unlocked. Apartment E. Al Knutson was asleep inside. I tried to ask permission, but I couldn't wake him, so I just went in and took a dump. It was awful. It looked like a black bullfrog, and smelled like someone has sprayed OFF on a pile of shit. As I went to flush, I thought, "No one will ever know if I just leave this". Then, I envisioned Al getting up in the morning and going to take a piss only to see what looked to be a ball of Tar in his toilet and being mortified. So I left it.
My original plan was to try and do it in every apartment so that it became a problem that people would bring up in chapter. I kept imagining chapter meetings where people would be like, "Guys, this has got to stop. My apartment's been hit three times." I think I got to three apartments before people found out who the fecal bandit was, mostly because I would die laughing every time someone found my calling card.
Yours in the Bond,
Zach Thompson
MY 265
-----Original Message-----
From: Thompson, Zachary
Sent: Monday, August 29, 2005 1:50 PM
To: 'djjones@ilstu.edu'
Subject: RE: [ISUTKE] Tekefest
DJ,
Sorry for the delay... At 302 E. Mulberry, John Roberts, Brian Lamm, Pyro Chanhnourack and I were moving into the "quad", the only 4-person apartment in the building. The quad had been unbelievably trashed for years, but we had finally talked the landlord into putting new carpet in, so we decided to paint it and do everything we could to make it nice. When it got to the bathroom, not only had the slobs that had lived there trashed it, but also we had to use it as the ladies' room for parties. The toilet was such a disaster that we actually unbolted it from the floor and hosed it off in the parking lot. We had come down early to do all this work, and had worked all day. Before I knew it, it was 3 AM, and I realized I had to take an unbelievable dump. Compounding the urgency was the fact that I hadn't all day (I usually average 4 times), and had eaten McDonald's for breakfast, and taco bell for the other two meals... And there sat the toilet in the parking lot.
Anyway, I started knocking on, and then trying doors. Finally, the last door was unlocked. Apartment E. Al Knutson was asleep inside. I tried to ask permission, but I couldn't wake him, so I just went in and took a dump. It was awful. It looked like a black bullfrog, and smelled like someone has sprayed OFF on a pile of shit. As I went to flush, I thought, "No one will ever know if I just leave this". Then, I envisioned Al getting up in the morning and going to take a piss only to see what looked to be a ball of Tar in his toilet and being mortified. So I left it.
My original plan was to try and do it in every apartment so that it became a problem that people would bring up in chapter. I kept imagining chapter meetings where people would be like, "Guys, this has got to stop. My apartment's been hit three times." I think I got to three apartments before people found out who the fecal bandit was, mostly because I would die laughing every time someone found my calling card.
Yours in the Bond,
Zach Thompson
MY 265
posted by Zach at 1:51 PM
1 Comments:
I just laughed out loud. The best part was imagining the look on your face when you decided to leave it.
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