A new way to turn on the Clapper (TM)

Maybe this will inspire one of you to leave a comment... there's been a dearth of comments of late.
A new way to turn on/off the Clapper by Zach Thompson
1) Drive through Wendy's on your way out of town to visit the in-laws. Order 2 jr. bacon cheeseburgers, fries, and a diet coke.
2) Wolf it, son.
3) Feel it almoss right away. Man, I was feeling like Don Turnbee.
4) Have your in-laws insist that you sleep in their room since it's on the 1st floor and you're in a cast.
5) puke and crap at the same time at around 1:30, tasting the artificial smoke from the wendy's bacon the whole time.
6) Sweat and freeze, alternately, through the night.
7) Puke and crap again at 8:30 am. This time loud enough to turn on and off your in-laws' Clapper (TM); a feat that you can't even achieve by clapping.

I don't recommend this method. I called the DuPage County Health dept this morning to see if I can keep anybody else from the same fate. I was laid out hard, and their bed is not very comfortable. I was unable to enjoy anything that Charleston, IL has to offer. Not even the TWO radio shacks at the cross county mall. It was a total waste of a weekend. I guess that'll teach me to whine about being in a cast.
I'm still trying to feel like myself. Next time i'll go to Culver's.