...And I thought I had white man's problems.

http://www.whitewhine.com/

Shit just got real

Again, 2008 is active with a vengeance.
- Comedysportz passed all it's fucking inspections. The irony is not lost on me that it's cold enough out for hell to have frozen over.
- I have to go to Charlotte (They Sell Yuengling there!) next week and London the first couple weeks in February. I may miss all the ComedySportz opening festivities. f.
- I should be back for the opening of the Hot Karl. Hot Damn.
It's 2008, and this was in my inbox THIS MORNING!:

"-----Original Message-----
From: Melinda Cohea [mailto:Melinda_Cohea@Jabil.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 23, 2008 8:30 AM
From: Laquanda Williams Lawanda Myles; Leisa Bedell; Laquanda Williams; Eugenia Rankins; Vilencia Turner - Pierce; Porsche Freeman Kamisha Harris Flaviu Leordeanu; Marquita Martin; Sylvia Martinez; Cory Bedell; Felix Strickland; Linda Turks; Yerva Hullett; Walter Hall; Darnell Mitchell; Alicia Addison; Alicia Addison


State Police Warning (serious)

DON'T FLASH HEADLIGHTS AT ANY CAR WITH NO LIGHTS ON!!

Police officers working with the DARE program have issued this Warning: If you are driving after dark and see and on-coming car with no headlights on, DO NOT FLASH YOUR LIGHTS AT THEM! This is a common Bloods member 'initiation game' that goes like this: The new gang member under initiation drives along with no headlights, and
the first car to flash their headlights at him is now his 'target.'.

He is now required to turn around and chase that car, then shoot and kill every individual in the e vehicle in order to complete his initiation requirements. Police Depts across the nation are being warned.

Their intent is to have all the new bloods nationwide drive around on Friday and Saturday nights with their headlight s o ff. In order to be accepted into the gang, they have to shoot and kill all individuals in the first auto that does a courtesy flash to warn them that their lights are off.

Make sure you share this information with all the drivers in your family! Please forward this message to all your friends and family members to inform them about this initiation ritual.

SR Dispatcher Tracey Sharber
Kentucky State Police
Post 3 Bowling Green
P.O. Box 0068
Bowling Green , KY 42102
Phone: (270) 782-2010
Fax: (502) 564-3507 "

Didn't this hoax die in like 1993? Also, This was forwarded to me by a vendor. The Shame! Plus, the hilarity of the names is not lost on me.

Suck my Diction

I got this today from urbandictionary.com:
Urban Word of the Day
www.urbandictionary.com

January 18, 2008: cuddlingus

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cuddlingus&defid=2786959

The act of cuddling, spooning, or snuggling. When two or more people lay down in an intertwined fashion.

Guy: "Aright, so now that i busted my nut, I'm gonna be out."

Lady: "You're not getting out of here without giving me some cuddlingus."

I sent them my word Fuggle. That's to snuggle while working the tip in. We'll see if they take it.

I'm reading the Bret Hart Biography. It's incredible.

Here we go, Hot Karl! The Hot Karl starts a run tonight for the next 5 Fridays at 8 PM at the Apollo theater. I'm beside myself!

Chase This

I went to try and cash a check that Chase bank had issued this morning, as I have done several times in the recent past, and was informed that they now charge $5 to cash a check, even if the check is issued by chase. This is on top of them upping their ATM fees to $3. A trend I'm sure all the shit ass banks in the nation will soon follow.
F.

I am a total Dandy.

I am a total Dandy. Ross Called me a dandy the other nite when I showed up to play Baby Wants Candy in a suit. I'm afraid he's right. I blame Rugby. If I won the lottery, that's all I'd wear. Plus, I'm starting to feel naked without a tie. It's weird. I never had that compulsion before. Last night, I lad literally 10 minutes before I had to meet someone for dinner, and I drove there just to spend 5 minutes in the store. I feel like I felt in Toys'R'Us when I was 7. I mean, If you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that I like to floss a little (look it up), but this is different. Where I used to like to go hunt at Nordstrom Rack for finds, this place is chock full of stuff I want to buy. Too Bad RL makes it so damn expensive.

Quote of the year.

"That guy gives me douche chills" - Eric Lindberg.
Quote of the year 2007: "How do you come up with an excuse with a calliope playing in your head?" - Dr. Randy Smock.

Bang on!

People at work have little to know idea that I do comedy in my spare time. I'm like a different person at work when there's, well, work to be done. However, there are some people I feel will "get it" so I make jokes when the opportunity arises. I think I will stop. Case in point:
Today I saw a woman who had recently been on crutches for a long time. She said something to the affect of not walking right yet, but being happy to be off the crutches because they were a pain in the ass.
I said, "I think you were using them wrong then."
Her reply: What?
Me: If the crutches were a pain in the ass, I think you were using them wrong.
Her: Oh. I must not have had enough caffeine today.

An exchange like that makes me feel like crap. It was a dad joke, but a joke nonetheless. Down with Humor in the workplace!

I received the Little Britain box set for Chrismas from me mum. The wife and I have been slowly devouring it since then. It's 75% brilliant.

I saw There Will Be Blood yesterday. Some conglomeration of critics called it the best movie of 2007. I'm not so sure. I liked it a lot, but I'm not sure it's the movie of the year.

Look out for the special double edition of the Hot Karl Podcast. Coming soon to a computer near you. Also, the Hot Karl netted a run of Friday nites at the Apollo Theater. I can't wait.

Okay, so It's not "Suck some dicks in 2006"

But my motto for this year is "Take it from good to great in 2008". It's very much about the difference between half-ass and kick-ass I talked about a while back. And that line from that song "Do like Snoop says, 'step your game up'".
Rock, Rock On.